Gyakran hisszük, hogy a boldogság valami külső eredetű dolog: ha jobb lenne a munkánk, ha több pénzünk lenne, ha végre megoldódna az a bizonyos probléma, akkor minden rendben lenne. De a pszichológiai kutatások szerint a helyzet nem ilyen egyszerű – és ez jó hír.
Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Kaliforniai Egyetem pszichológusa hosszú évek kutatásai után egy olyan modellt állított fel, ami szerint a boldogságunk három fő forrásból táplálkozik. Meglepő módon ezek közül a külső körülmények – amikre a legtöbben a legnagyobb hangsúlyt helyezik – csupán 10 százalékban befolyásolják azt, hogyan érezzük magunkat a mindennapokban.
A genetikai adottságaink (vagyis a személyiségünk alapvonásai, temperamentumunk) nagyjából 50 százalékban meghatározóak. Ezeket ugyan nem tudjuk megváltoztatni, de ismerhetjük őket, és megtanulhatunk együtt élni velük.
A maradék 40 százalék azonban teljes mértékben rajtunk múlik.
Ez az a rész, amit a döntéseink, a szokásaink, a gondolkodásmódunk és a mindennapi viselkedésünk alakít. Ide tartozik például, hogy mennyit mozgunk, milyen gyakran gyakorolunk hálát, ápoljuk-e a kapcsolatainkat, van-e célunk, vagy hogy hogyan kezeljük a stresszt – csak hogy néhány dolgot említsünk.
Ez az arány különösen izgalmas, mert megmutatja, hogy van mozgástered – sőt, komoly befolyásod van arra, hogyan érzed magad. Nem passzív elszenvedője vagy az életednek, hanem aktív alakítója.
Fontos megérteni, hogy mindez nem arról szól, hogy mindig pozitívan kell gondolkodni, vagy hogy a nehézségeket egyszerűen figyelmen kívül kell hagyni. Sokkal inkább arról, hogy vannak konkrét, működő eszközeid, amikkel tudatosan tehetsz azért, hogy jobb legyen a közérzeted – akár egy nehezebb időszakban is.
Lyubomirsky kutatásai alapján ilyen eszköz lehet például a naplóírás, ahol leírod, miért vagy hálás. De ilyen lehet a rendszeres testmozgás, az aktív társas kapcsolatok fenntartása vagy az, ha célokat tűzöl ki, és nem mások elvárásai, hanem a saját értékeid mentén haladsz előre.
Természetesen meg kell jegyezni, hogy ez a 40 százalék nem egy állandóan működő „boldogsággomb”. Inkább egyfajta lehetőség. Ha tudod, hogy van ekkora része az életednek, amire hatással lehetsz, az nemcsak inspiráló, hanem felszabadító is. Mert azt jelenti: nem kell megvárnod, míg minden „rendbe jön”. Elég, ha te kezdesz el másképp élni.
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